The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
