K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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