I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
