wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
