when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
