You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I need a beard to bite.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
