I heard we made out
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She told me I should be a condom model.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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