It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
