walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
