I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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