last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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