I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
literally had 100 drinks last night.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
