READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
