he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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