Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He passed out mid-signature
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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