the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just high enough for therapy.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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