Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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