I need help removing her.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
