SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
