Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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