talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
mondays should just be called national damage control day
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Randomize
