good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
