My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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