the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
