apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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