Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
