I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
