im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
