Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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