There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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