Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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