we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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