Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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