Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
