I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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