i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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