If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
