Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
