i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
