party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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