remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
