there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
