bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
This is classic penis vs brain.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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