I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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