I am midnight drunk by noon
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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