Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
