even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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