What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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