Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
