The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
