Joe is yelling at the trees again.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
